So I dropped my phone in the toilet.
The statement above is a great depiction of how the past two weeks of my life have been. I’m stressed. I feel like there’s water weighing me down and drowning me till I break. I guess all the commitments I placed upon myself has really taken a tole on me.
You know, I seriously thought I could do it all. School, Work, juggling four classes, aesthetics coordinator, marketing team, and now a new commitment of an internship. Like, what was I thinking? Oh, and then there’s family, friends, DEREK, eating, exercising, and so much more that I forgot to take into account.
I don’t know. I’m just afraid that I’m going to graduate without any money, without any experience, and find myself struggling to find a job. It’s a scary ass world out there. Fear truly drives me towards a positive and negative way of light.
I guess I just have to start believing in myself.
So I dropped my phone in the toilet, it’s not a big deal. It’s a temporary problem I can fix and so are all the things going on in my life.
So I always tell everyone that I am “studying” because how am I suppose to explain that I’m stressing over designing things when people don’t take me seriously? It’s such hard work that people don’t understand.
For one, you can bullshit your studying. I can’t bullshit a design because you can actually see the shit I make out of it. Two, you can fail a test and no one has to see or know your score, while for me: I have to present my projects, get critiqued, and face the harsh reality that my work just isn’t good enough because my peers get to see my failure.
It’s so hard to explain to people that I can’t talk while I design things because it takes so much concentration and it takes so much effort to get it right. Like, you try designing something, see how long it takes you. It’s such a time consuming thing and honestly, fuck everyone who thinks it’s okay to bother me and think my work isn’t important.
I’LL BE THE ONE DESIGNING YOUR NEXT PHONE. I’LL BE THE ONE DESIGNING EVERYTHING IN YOUR HOME. I’LL BE THE ONE TAKING YOUR WEDDING PHOTOS. I’LL BE THE ONE DESIGNING EVERYTHING YOU EFFING TOUCH IN THIS WORLD … and yet I’ll never be taken seriously for the profession I long for.
It sucks. It’s not an easy job and it sure as hell is something people don’t think about when it comes to important things in life.
Everything you look at was designed, curated by someone who was trying to find a way to make it as efficient for you or even purposely made it not functional.
Take me seriously. Take what I do seriously. It’s hard. It’s time consuming. Yet, I’m going to be doing a job that I will enjoy for the rest of my life.